I'm in the wet sauna of a high-end club on a guest pass from my friend David. I've been in long enough so that the steam has seeped into my pores, loosened my body and turned me into a Giant Squid.

The door opens. Two guys step in. One is in his mid 60's, the other in his mid-40's. Both are trim and fit. They look like they tell people what to do more than people tell them. They sit across from each other in poses of relaxation and take no notice they are in the sauna with a Giant Squid. I'm not pointing it out. Because it's a little embarrassing. And, I'm leaking ink from being so chill.

After about five minutes the older guy asks me to put cold water on the thermometer. He wants more  heat and steam. Just as I'm about to pour, the younger guy says, "Stop."  This is awkward.
The older guy turns to the younger guy, grins with snark, and says, "Can't take it? Squid, pour."

The younger guy says, "Squid. Pour and you're an appetizer." I obey. My mother always told me not to settle for just an appetizer. The younger guy gets up and stares down at the older guy. "Take it? I can take any amount you can give plus, old man." The older guy laughs with lots of teeth and says, "You're on, lightweight." Both call out, "Squid! Pour!"

I splash on water from a bucket to the calls of "More!"

The temperature rises. The steam thickens.

"Watch your heart old man," the young guy says.

"I've got more heart than you'll ever have." He gives out a big laugh which seems to be his signature. "More water!"

"Grrrr," says the young guy, his face and body going red and redder.

"Grrrr," says the older man, his face and body going red and redder.

Then I hear from outside the steam room, "Hey! Steam debate! Check it out." A crowd collects outside the wet steam doors.

"Who's the Squid?"

"Must be the moderator."

The heat and steam continue rising...

"Squid, what's going on?"

"Can't see much except for the older guy's white teeth. He's laughing and dismissing the younger guy with a hand wave. The younger guy is complaining about his boss who sent him to the sauna. And now..." Thud! Thud! "...they're on the ground."

"Which one fell first? The other is the winner."

"The older guy fell first. Young guy wins."

"Not a chance. The young guy fell first. The older guy wins."

This back and forth went on for awhile. None of us could determine the winner. The crowd dispersed. I checked my ink level.