MEET KYLE PART 2

Kyle called me back. He needs to explain. After all, he threatened the testicles of a guy in Florida. (see below Meet Kyle I)

"Kyle..."

"Sorry 'bout the other day, man. The whole freak out. It was like I mixed brown acid with battery acid and chased it with the diarrhea from the E-Trade baby."

"Exactly what I was thinking."

"Really?!"

"No..."

"Oh...so, what got me all Hulk-like the other day was a thing I read on the web. An 83 year old semi-retired doctor in Florida claims he discovered the G spot from rooting around in a cadaver in Poland."

"Did he first have to buy the cadaver dinner?"

"This is serious, man. My reputation is at stake here."

"Your reputation... you mean for training dogs to bark the alphabet? For emptying grocery stores by yelling "Rat!"? Which reputation exactly?"

"What's my nickname?"

"G."

"Where do you think that came from?"

"Your last name...Gee. Kyle Gee."

"Think again."

"I've thought enough already."

"I got the nickname because I'm the first to find the G-Spot."

"You and every other guy on the planet except for maybe Rick Santorum."

"No really. But not only the G-Spot. If Magellan and Vasco Di Gama combined their sperm with Sir Edmund Hillary and Waldo and that cocktail was in vitro-fertilized with Amelia Earheart,- she's alive, man everybody knows that... she's in Australia chillin' with that tall bald headed dude from Midnight Oil. A fact's a fact - nine months later she'd give birth to me. I am the original sexplorer. I have mapped the female sexual landscape and can give tours just not in any vehicle that has air-conditioning because it messes with my sinuses. So, you ready to hear how it all started?"

Kyle's on a roll. You probably have things to do. He doesn't which is why he'll go on for another hour. I'm putting the phone down. I have to pick up groceries, do laundry, figure out if the Higgs Boson particle exists. He'll still be talking. But then he wouldn't be Kyle if he stopped.

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