Alan,
I landed on your blog today while searching for a new welcome mat. You see my old welcome mat frayed. You might say it wore out it's welcome. Ha. Ha. Get it! The welcome mat wore out it's welcome. I should have my own humour blog. It couldn't be any worse than yours. How do you sleep at night? Your blog is so unfunny I had to share it with my friend Eugene. Now he's funny.
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An hour later I received the following from Eugene:Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? C'mon, play along. Why did the chicken cross the road? No idea? I'll tell ya. To get away from your blog. Seriously, man. You call yourself a comedy writer? I've read funnier in a funeral home brochure. If I were head of the internet I would have your blog taken down and you banished from ever putting up another one. Your blog is so unfunny it's criminal! Which is why I've sent it to my many friends in law enforcement.
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Two hours later I received the following:
Dear Alan,
This is agent Nick Bastone with the FBI. I'm just following up a complaint against your blog Welcome to Kafkaville (Pop.1). The complainant believes your blog is so unfunny it's a crime against humanity. So I read a few excerpts. I couldn't disagree with him. The stuff isn't funny. But crime against humanity? To be honest, I don't know. But just to be sure I've circulated it at the International Criminal Court in The Hague.
Yours truly,
N. Bastone, FBI
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The next day I received the following:
Then I received a flurry of messages from anonymous readers:
- You suck, Crapskaville!
- There's 5 min I'll never get back!
- Your mother should've had an abortion!
- Earn $10,000 a month at home while SLEEPING!
Dear Alan,
I received an urgent message from the FBI to look into prosecuting you for crimes against humanity for your unfunny blog. If unfunny was the criteria for a crime against humanity, three-quarters of humanity would be on trial and the other quarter would be waiting to go on trial. I don't think much of what people call funny these days. I did read your blog, though, and, surprise, found it quite delightful. It's clever and thoughtful. Most of all, it's funny. Witty. With a lot of heart. I know the thing to do would be to share your blog. You'd probably like that. But this is one pleasure I don't feel like sharing.
Sincerely
Ting Pietersz,
International Criminal Court
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